(The marshmallows have written the below post; I cannot be held liable for any statements they make)

We our saddened by our recent loss in the Softies Awards. Was it because we are perpetually unhappy? I mean, I guess we would have been sad even if we had won, but our maker would be a little happier. She wouldn’t be listening to various songs that depict Monday as a horrid day, like the Mamas and the Papas’ “Monday, Monday” or the Carpenters’ “Rainy Days and Mondays.” She wouldn’t be tossing away her acceptance email that poignantly quoted the 1983 classic, A Christmas Story: “It’s a major award! I won it.”


We admired the Food winner even before it was nominated, but a burger isn’t very vegetarian-friendly! And we are! Oh wait, we’re made of gelatin. Um…we make kids so much happier than burgers! Wait, we probably give them cavities. I bet it was a hamBURGLAR, of votes that is! Stupid borrowed pun, anyone?. Well, we’re still the best crochet frowny marshmallows out there! …shoot, our maker alerted us of a new softie she just made:


Hmm, that’s pretty sad and cute as well. A frowny s’more. We didn’t see it coming! Guess we’ll go look for the nearest campfire and drown our sorrows in its flames.